Its a long long long période

More than a month

Nearly crying every night

Super tired but I cant stop

Because tears keep coming back for more

I'm not sad

I'm not angry

I don't know what I feel

I just feel exhausted

The extreme fatigue I try to endure in silence

I'm disappointed perhaps

But probably it is something more than that

The voices are getting intense

And i'm doing my best to not be dragged too far

This way is too heavy

Sometimes I think that perhaps it's better to let go of my defense

And just follow the stream

Some people make me believe that it's always me who's not enough.

Some people make me think that it's always my flaws, my mistakes, my weakness.

Some people make me feel useless and worthless.

Sometimes my days are very cloudy.

Some days it shed some lights.

Some days I just wanna share some burden I feel.

Some days I'm held back by fears of being not listened to, not heard, not understood.

Then most of the days what I feel stays inside with unexplainable tears fill the whole day.

Some days I realized that it's totally hard to be me.

I imagine it must be another level of stress for others to live with a creature like me.

Some days I just want to be left alone tho I hate the feeling of loneliness.

Some days I just wanna disappear.

I'm brave enough to come to my mom this morning and asked,

"Ma can I have a hug please?"

At least I seek for help.

Nangis terus.. Ga capek?

intrusive thoughts

Nothing works well.

Well, nothing works.